My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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