Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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