Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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