We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
