lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
