you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
