thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize