that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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