your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
