just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
