I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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