Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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