I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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