he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
