Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
