I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
