the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
