Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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