2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
