i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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