Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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