I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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