dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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