your thong is hanging out like whoa
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
