Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
