i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
