What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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