I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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