i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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