You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
