toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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