he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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