Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
