he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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