so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will pee on everything he values.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize