remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize