maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize