I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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