Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
