She's JV to your varsity
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
