It's like a parade of train wrecks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
