Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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