Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
