I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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