It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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