I wanna passion pit in your ass
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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