It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
