She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize