I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
