I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
