Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
