i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
