I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
