see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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