Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
