Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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