You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
