Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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