sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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