Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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