I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
