Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
