just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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