'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
