that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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