He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The beer is more important than you right now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
