I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
