ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
