I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
