He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
